Rev. Austin Miles, a chaplain in Northern California is a writer and historian. He is the author of Santa's Surprising Origins, a story that received worldwide circulation and resulted in him being cast in the 2004 Hallmark Christmas Movie titled, Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus. He played the mall Santa who magically received the gift of sign language.

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Monday, January 4, 2010

MilesTones • Is It Over? 2009? Really?

Today, I finally stuck my head out of the covers to make sure. It is no longer 2009?  Phew!  What a strange year!  A family in New Bedford, Massachusetts returned a library book that they had borrowed and kept for 99 years after the due date. The title? “Facts I Ought to Know about the Government of My Country.” So it was a book about how to understand how our government works. The borrower probably spent the whole 99 years re-reading it and still couldn’t figure out how the government works.  D.C. Congressmen and Senators seem to have the same problem….Much more coming including a notable quip about the Tiger (obviously not made out of) Wood and the quip was made at a Senior Citizen’s Bible Class of all places!

Helen Trautman, the CEO of a Pittsburgh PR and Event Promotion firm sent us an email circulating throughout America that urges recipients to refuse any of the new government issued dollar coins because they have left out “In God We Trust.” Not to worry, with this economy, nobody will have a dollar to worry about anyway….

Then, on the other side of the pond,  there was “Father” Tim Jones, a priest with The Church of England who told his congregation at St. Lawrence and St. Hilda in York that it is OK to shoplift if you are in need. This statement came after his sermon about the Nativity; “It will not break the eighth commandment, Thou Shalt Not Steal,” he pontificated, “because it is permissible for those who are in desperate situations to take food that they might not have.”  How’s that again?

But the good reverend showed that he was an ethical-honest man of compassion by saying this: “I would ask that you do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices.”  Yep…a man of true character.Let them steal, then stick it to the rest of us; And this is coming from the Pulpit! God help us all.

What astonished MilesTones was the letters to the editor in response to this widely circulated story. The majority of the respondants AGREED with “Rev.” Jones with statements like “the major chain stores have been making profit off of us all this time, they owe it to us.” Really! The letter that really stood out was from one writer who suggested that instead of shoplifting that they should steal from “Father” Jone’s collection plates. MilesTones beieves that it might also be proper to steal Jones’ ordination certificate and tear it up. And a caution to all pastors: Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. Especially that one.

In other religious news, Orthodox Rabbi, Leib Tropper of Rockland County of New York, traded a certificate of religious conversion for sex. The 32 year old woman, a gentile, wanted to convert to Judism to which the good Rabbi said: “If you fulfill my needs, I’ll fullfil yours—and you need a conversion.”  The sales pitch was caught on recording. What is not clear is if the sex demanded would have to be Kosher.

Lindasue Sizuela, an up and coming feature writer for America’s Good News, brought her cousin, Jerry Tanner to our Senior Citizen’s Bible Study/discussion group, which is referred to as the Seasoned Citizen’s Bible Study/Discussion Group. They are wiser and have more pep in their step than any other group in the church.

Somehow while talking about morals, the exploits of Tiger Woods came forth.  The last we heard was that the girl count had reached 12…which is two points over par.  Cousin Tanner had this to say:  “Maybe he felt that they were cheaper by the dozen.”  The scandal cost Tiger, according to business news, one billion dollars in his stock and cancelled endorsements…which leads MilesTones sage advisors to offer this: “The man who plays and strays gets “Nays.”

Then, today’s news.  Here in the beginning of 2010, Hawaii is issuing a proclamation to declare every August 4th a State Holiday to honor Obama’s Birth.  That could prove to be a challenge since nobody knows where or when Obama was born. And he refuses to tell.  Perhaps even Obama doesn’t know..

We also learned on this date, from the Contra Costa Times, that Obama is giving the Left Coast over one billion bucks in “stimulus funds.”  One of those giveaways in the amount of $272,578.00 is to provide housing assistance to two tribes that reap millions of dollars a year from lucrative gambling casinos. They actually rake in about $1.billion a year. And they are given housing assistance?? While others who work at honest jobs and lost their homes to foreclosure are put out on the streets? This is nuts!  And we are paying for this.

Another crazy cash flow of our tax money is going to field studies of what kind of booze young people drink in bars and other hot spots. The amount for that federally subsidized bar hopping extravaganza? $499,384.00….almost a half million dollars. And we are sure that a good part of that government giveaway (again with our money) will be ‘expenses’ which means bar tabs in order to correctly conduct this study.“But offisher…I’m working for the government drinking reshearch schtudy.”  As for me…I’m getting back under the covers.

But first, kudos and a tip of the beret to Jasper Shuniga, a Dutchman who hopped out of his seat on an airplane getting ready to land in Detroit and tackled the Muslim trying to set off exploives that would have crashed the plane and killed 300 people.This is a dire warning. We can no longer just sit and watch. We have to be ready to take action at all times.

The nuttiest thing about this Christmas episode is the statement from Janet Napolitano following the failed mass murder: “Yes, this proves that our security system works.” What? The security system clearly failed as they patted down little old white ladies and did no search of the Muslim who waltzed right in, and was welcomed aboard right under their noses. The only reason this did not end in tragedy was the fact that the bomber’s explosives did not explode but only set his pants on fire. Not because of any government protection. That simply does not exist. This is the second Janet in government that has been a disaster and has to go too. 

On second thought, I will not get back under the covers. I will come out, stand and do what I can to help get our democracy and freedom of religion back on track .Besides, we don’t want to miss out on the latest on the mistresses of Tiger Woods.

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