Rev. Austin Miles, a chaplain in Northern California is a writer and historian. He is the author of Santa's Surprising Origins, a story that received worldwide circulation and resulted in him being cast in the 2004 Hallmark Christmas Movie titled, Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus. He played the mall Santa who magically received the gift of sign language.

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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

MilesTones • BREAKING! The Great Chicken Trial In Brentwood! SPECIAL REPORT!

Brentwood, California (1/6/10)  Many judges, it is said, conduct Kangaroo Courts. But have you ever heard of a Chicken Court? Such took place in Brentwood last night (not OJs Brentwood but the one in Northern California) where two hens were put on trial…I kid you not…which had everybody walking on eggshells.

A young woman in Brentwood kept a couple of hens in her backyard which stirred the cackles of a next door neighbor who charged that the hens were unsafe, could bring in bird flu, cause dangerous animals to come that would be attracted by the eggs the hens layed which would make it unsafe for her cat that roamed freely. Not only that, but she could step in chicken poop and bring it right into her house on her shoes, which would cause fatal diseases!

It was reported to MilesTones that Henny Penny, being swept up in these findings,  frantically ran through the streets, flapping her wings and yelling, “The poop is falling! The poop is falling!”  All citizens ducked into their houses, after first checking their shoes.

This of course would be a phenomenon since the hens are in a cage and the two homes are separated by a high fence which would require incredible projection and aiming skills by the hens to accomplish such a feat.

“Not only that,” the hard-boiled neighbor proclaimed at the hearing (held before the City Planning Commission last night), “she didn’t ask my permission to keep those hens!  And they smell!” She was really fried.

It was a heated exchange that verbally exploded outside the hearing. That neighbor, who raised the stink, is really for the birds. No, she is not FOR the birds…she is AGAINST the birds…yet…(MilesTones is having a difficult day.)

It is to be noted that a serious breach of the law has occurred. The hens, whose names have been withheld since they are under 18, did not have the opportunity to face their accusers. And that is a law that originated in the Bible (Acts 23:30). A defendant is entitled to face his or her accusers. And that should include hens. Demand justice for the rights of hens! Those hens should arise, go forth and cross the road so they can lay it on the line. This foul law must be changed.

The veridict, guilty or innocent, is now setting on a limb. The City Planning Commission will gather their findings from this trial of the century (in THIS Brentwood), and present it to the City Council with their recomendations. We hope they don’t chicken out and declare the poor hens guilty to appease the angry neighbor.That would be a political payoff not becoming to the council.

Then again, perhaps the City will be sympathetic to the hens since Mayor Bob Taylor dressed in a turkey suit for a Thanksgiving event. He of all people will understand. So maybe justice will prevail after all. If not, the yolk’s on us.

P.S. Milestones planned to do a joke about a chicken but we were afraid to pullet. That’s it, we’re outta here!

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