Rev. Austin Miles, a chaplain in Northern California is a writer and historian. He is the author of Santa's Surprising Origins, a story that received worldwide circulation and resulted in him being cast in the 2004 Hallmark Christmas Movie titled, Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus. He played the mall Santa who magically received the gift of sign language.

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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

MilesTones • Exclusive Interview With Famous Chickens And Their Keeper

A MilesTones Feature
Two Brentwood hens have become world famous over a back yard dispute regarding their presence. An angry neighbor seems intent on putting a pox upon the chickens, accusing them of smelling bad, spreading bird flu, and pooping in her yard (located next door behind a high fence). Not only that, the neighbor charges, the eggs they lay will attract wild animals which could endanger her cat. Serious charges indeed. This has the hens setting on the edge of their nests as they approach the final hearing of their fate at the Brentwood City Council Meeting this Tuesday, January 26th. A big crowd is expected

The two hens, until now, have remained annonymous. But [with] the Great Chicken Trial of Brentwood gaining intense interest around the world, they agreed to a personal interview with MilesTones, letting their names be known and posing for pictures in order to let their side of the story be told, which is a proper procedure in a democratic society.

The identity of the hens will now be revealed for the first time; Henny is a hen of solid virtue which is logical since she is a Plymouth Rock. Penny is a Rhode Island Red, which is a breed not a political view. They are neither right wingers or left wingers. They are neutral. Henny and Penny live a simple life and feel totally American.

The young woman who owns the hens, Kimberly Kennedy, is considered the first Chicken Whisperer in history. She can communicate with hens, and was present for the interview. Ms. Kennedy testifies that Henny and Penny work hard, are up early and go right to work producing organic eggs which helps support their family. So they are not free-loaders or a drain on the taxpayers.

“They are law abiding chickens,” their keeper said earnestly, “they stay to themselves and are friendly even though they don’t talk much except when they have laid an egg that they are proud to annnounce to their family. They strive for excellence. Their hero is Rocky of the “Chicken Run” movie. One scene shows Rocky shot out of a cannon, which proves that chickens are creatures of high caliber.” Ms. Kennedy translates the hen’s responses to questions, and has sworn that the translations she gave were accurate.

MilesTones: What is that sign about Jesus on your window?
Henny: Buc buc brrrrr. Translation: We are Christian Chickens. Our ancestors were converted by St. Francis of Assisi.
MilesTones: What do you think about neighbors complaining about you?
Penny: Buc brrrr. Translation: Eggsasperating!
MilesTones: What do you say to the accusation that you smell bad?
Henny: Brrr buc. Translation: It stinks!
MilesTones: What words do you hate to hear?
Henny and Penny:  Buc buc buc buc brrrrr, brrrrrr…Translation: Hearing someone call another person a dumb cluck or a bird brain.That sterotypes us and is very hurtful….dont get us started on that…
MilesTones: Ok…Ok..I see this is a very tender spot with you. Will you both be present at the hearing next Tuesday?
Henny and Penny: Buc brrrrrr, buc buc brrrr brrrr brrr (repeated several times). Translation: We have formally asked to be present. Hopefully Mayor Bob Taylor will permit us to be there. We are orderly and no trouble. We just want to observe. We have confidence that Mayor Bob is FOR the birds since he honored all birds by wearing that turkey suit for an event this past Thanksgiving. And too. he understand that every year the president himself pardons turkeys who are destined to be Thanksgiving dinner.We believe that The Mayor will act presidential in this hearing.

At this point the interview had to end because it was raining cats and dogs outside. It is advisable to come early for the City Council Meeting on Tuesday January 26th in order to get a seat. We still await Mayor Bob Taylor’s permission for Henny and Penny to attend the conclusion of The Great Chicken Trial of Brentwood.The photo below was taken during the exclusive personal interview. 

image

Rev. Austin Miles listens to Henny (R) responding to a question as Penny (L) checks the notes for accuracy.
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